it's so weird now..
i can't really chat with her like the days before in MSN or text messages..
can no longer like i tease her and she tease me back like the old days..
everything is just so different now..

for now,
her replies are like answering what i asked..
hmm..some would say that isn't it the way it should be like?
but i think if you chat with someone and that someone replying you like answering your questions only, would it be weird?
would you still feel like continuing the conversation?

all this happen again and again during semester break..
that's why i hate semester break somehow..
'coz i don't get to see her and don't get to talk to her like good friends during study weeks..
at least during that time,
we're still able to talk and make fun of each other sometimes..
but now..
things just turned over at 180 degrees..
damn it..

talked to my grandma today..
and i wonder why she would say all this out of sudden..
"if the fate is with you, she will be with you,
if it's not, the one you like will never like you."

lots of my close friends around me know i like her,
although i didn't tell.
lots of them know she doesn't like me but someone else.

so some friends keep telling me that "she's not you girl, forget about her!"
but would that be so easy to forget about her?
when we'll meet each other everyday in uni,
and especially when we're hanging out in the same gang of friends?
this would never been easy!

but i'm gonna try..to let go of everything..
don't ask me how long do i need,
'coz i'm pretty sure that it takes a long long time..

a friend of mine,
asked me to tell her how do i feel all this while.
obviously he's one of the guys who knows the situation now..
he said,
although i know i'll be rejected,
and i'll be falling from heaven to hell,
give it a try,
so that my heart will die forever,
and the pain's gone.

i thought of this, too...
the night that i couldn't sleep,
this thought flew through my mine too.
but i know the problem is with me,
'coz if i really do so i'm sure i can no longer talk to her
for a kinda long period of time..
instead of losing her as a friend,
why don't i just keep it with myself, right?

where's the one that i deserve for?
where can i meet my soulmate? my life partner?

life has lots of uncertainty,
we'll never know what's gonna happen next.
till my breath ends,
only God will know that i'm good in my way.
may i request, from God,
for an easier and good relationship in the future?
'coz i'm tired of this, tired of loving the one that's not loving me.

Dear God, may I?